favored with grace

how I became a football fan

2012-01-30T07:30:00.000-06:00

water girls with #27's awards

I had the privilege of attending the awards banquet for the Falcons last week. It made me think how far I have come....

It was fall of 2010 that I started attending high school football games. That first one I sat next to the mother of the player whom I knew - my adopted little brother - and spent most of the game asking her, "Was that good?" after every play. The announcer was speaking a foreign language, so of course he was no help at all.

My family never watched football, my brothers were never much into playing it, and I knew absolutely nothing; so the learning curve was pretty steep. But I had good teachers and gradually came to understand terms like "ball" and "half-time" and "won the game." Well, I probably did know those already, but that's about all.

Once I grasped the significance of the scoreboard - like, the clock and the number of points, and how to know which points were for which team - games were so much more exciting! I could tell, without asking, who was ahead and by how much. Sometimes I was even brave enough to clap or cheer, if everyone else around me was, too. Yup, it was getting fun.

That was about as far as I got last year..... oh, I also learned that it helped to pay attention to which goal was for which team, so I could know where they were headed. The announcers got slightly more helpful; - must have been better trained than those first ones or something. Of course, they still used some odd words (I thought conversions were what they wanted at revival meetings???) and so couldn't entirely be counted on.

This past season we added a new twist: I was promoted from attendee to water girl, which meant I was down with the team and coaches. Now things really started moving in my football education! I had to work so hard at first to keep track of who had been on the field during a good play (hint: look for the ones who are dripping sweat and grabbing for water), but it was so much easier to follow the plays, being down there were the action was. And if I ever had any question about if what just transpired was good or bad, all it took was one look at Coach Tony's face, and I knew.

See, before I even attended any Falcons games, I heard all about Coach Tony. They always said that he was often more interesting to watch than the game itself. That he had the highest vertical of anyone ever. That he would tell it like it was. That he was a phenomenal motivator.

The first year of attending games, it was usually all I could do to divide my attention between the field and the scoreboard, trying to figure out where to look and process what just happened (in between yummy chocolate chip cookies), but this year I got to see that for myself what they were talking about. That took about 30 seconds of the first game - and then I realized they had given gross understatements.

Coach Tony could never be accused of apathy. He probably burned more calories than the players actually on the field. The intensity of his displeasure at mistakes was exceeded only by the intensity of his joy at a well-executed play. He epitomized one of my favorite quotes: "Wherever you are, be all there." I learned so much about teaching from watching Coach Tony. And, as I mentioned above, watching him was also quite helpful in getting a feel for how the game was going, on the occasions that I still couldn't follow it myself.

Watching him at the awards banquet gave me a new appreciation for the intense training and discipline that happens behind the scenes, before the games even start each season.... and watching the guys interact. Watching the awards being given.

#27 breaking through

Of course I cheered for my little brother, as he was honored with the Defensive Most Valuable Player award for his open field tackles, mental discipline, and physical courage. (WAY TO GO!!!) He also was titled Most Likely To Play in a Full Body Cast....very appropriate.

I cheered also for all the other guys who worked so hard to support each other. They strove for physical discipline, but also team spirit and Christ-likeness.

I cheered as they replayed some of the best moments from the Falcons' last season, and relived a few myself. And wondered exactly how someone like me got so involved and interested in football.

water girls taking a water break

I remembered one moment when I was busy refilling waters. My back was turned to the field and the scoreboard, but I knew that the clock was running out fast and we needed points. I heard the crowd cheering and the touchdown was announced, and I smiled. Six points. Now could they do it....? I strained my ears....and then smiled even bigger as I heard the announcer...."And the two-point conversion is good!"

I think it was that moment I suddenly realized that I knew exactly what he was talking about: nothin' about a revival meeting after all, just solid teamwork and a good kick that went in the straight and narrow. :)

And perhaps that was the moment that I, of all people, became a football fan.

Then again, maybe it had more to do with the fact that our own #27 was on the field....

my week has been made

2012-01-28T22:12:00.001-06:00

Made my Sunday: seeing Cassandra so happy to be with Matt
Made my Monday: hearing about a food conference and imagining a big room with myriads of booths stuffed with yummy things for attendees to freely sample
Made my Tuesday: mocha chocolate chip cookies
Made my Wednesday: chocolate pieces from special students
Made my Thursday: dinner party with our people; hung out in our living room and reminisced about homeschool culture
Made my Friday: holding a beautiful sleeping baby
Made my Saturday: thinking about everything that made my week.....having to work to reduce this list down to one thing per day - hard, because there were so many options.

I am so blessed.

Thank you, Jesus.

today's thoughts on teaching

2012-01-27T23:58:00.001-06:00

Train up a finger in the way it should go, and when it performs your pieces in your recital, it will not depart from it.

In other news, it has recently been brought to my attention what an enormous improvement there is in a student's progress and general abilities when he increases his weekly practice time from 5 hours to 8+ hours.

Additionally, if 75% of your practice consists of fixing mistakes, think how much time you would save if you never made a mistake. Think that's impossible? Try again. There is a method of practicing that almost completely eliminates mistakes. Guess how fast students progress when they utilize it?

Finally, contrary to popular opinion that proclaims the virtues of staying positive, telling a student, "Pretty close! Just hold some of those notes out a little longer and you'll be fine!" is heartless and cruel; kindness would explain, "You are going too fast because you don't understand the piano part. Here, see? I have 16th notes, like this. You have quarter notes. You were cheating each one an entire 16th note. Here - count 1e&a, 2e&a [demonstrate]; let's try it again 5 times in a row perfect." Better yet, a real teacher (which I still aspire to be, someday) would give a student ample stepping stones before he reached such a piece to allow him to learn and understand it correctly on his own.

The day before I started teaching, almost a decade ago, my dad gave me one piece of advice: be encouraging. He was absolutely 100% right. But let us not forget that true encouragement does not gloss over or ignore faults that are one's duty to point out. True encouragement draws attention to what needs to be fixed, points a way out, and makes success not only possible but most desirable, pleasant, and easily achievable.

everybody needs a real friend....

2012-01-21T23:39:00.001-06:00

....the kind of person who asks "How are you doing?" and doesn't makes you feel like you have to just say, "Fine!"

....the kind of person who can see the truth on your face even if you don't know how to say it

....the kind of person whom you're not ashamed to tell you cried all afternoon

....the kind of person who can alternately cry with you and laugh at you. and know which is appropriate for the moment.

....the kind of person who tells you when you look stupid or did something dumb....but who loves you anyway. and helps you do better.

....the kind of person who can set you straight when you're off course

....the kind of person who holds you accountable. who asks the hard questions and isn't afraid to hear the answers. who won't let you get away with being less than you could.

....the kind of person who knows how to have fun and enjoy life.

....the kind of person who knows when you need someone to be there. and knows when you need to be alone.

....the kind of person who will stand by you...fight your fight...never let go. ever.

....the kind of person who cares more than anything else about what God wants and how both of you can please Him. who really, truly wants this and seeks it.

that's a real friend. and there are far too few of them in this world. but thank God, there ARE a precious few.

little sisters

2012-01-18T17:59:00.000-06:00

love my girlies

"Are y'all twins, or just sisters?"

miss this one...Amarillo is a long way away

oh, the adventures we have together!

How To Make Pizza......or not

2012-01-16T21:18:00.000-06:00

Wait till you're starving, then go figure out what to make.
See spinach in the fridge and decide dinner will be spinach alfredo pizza.

Get your super-chef sister to make alfredo sauce.

Tell her the alfredo sauce will be fine without parmesan cheese (because we're out).

Begin the crust by heating the water to boiling....about 100 degrees too high.

Cool it down by adding so many ice cubes it gets cold and nearly doubles the amount of water.

Dump out some water till it looks about right.

Dump in the rest of the jar of yeast and figure it won't make a difference that it's less than half of what it's supposed to be.

Set the bowl on the still-warm burner in hopes that the water will heat back up enough to proof the yeast.

Dump in parsley...."Oh wait. That's the wrong green stuff. What's it supposed to be? Dill? Oh yeah, chives." So dump in some of those, too.

Remember too late that the normal rectangular pans we use are out of commission. Oh well.... borrow cake pans from obliging aforementioned sister.

Plop a handful of spinach leaves on the first spinach pizza.... super-chef sister comes in: "Oh, do you use whole spinach leaves?" Oops. Chop up the next handful of spinach really fine and spread it on the second pizza just in time to hear sister call out, "I think the whole spinach leaves will actually work really well!" Oh well.

Forget to take the cheese out of the freezer until I'm ready for it.

Break up the cheese with a metal spatula and watch bits of it fly across counter and land on the hot glasstop stove.

Moving along to the veggie pizza....

Dump the rest of the bag of sugar into the tomato sauce. Use Remington F.A.S.T. knife to split bag and get it all out.

Take two steps to the other side of the kitchen for a knife to slice the veggies and almost kill yourself slipping in a puddle of water.

Don't be holding the tomato sauce OR the knife when you slip. (Been there, done that. Not a good experience.)

Pull the pathetically flat and weird-looking crusts out of the oven.

Have an encouraging sister to say, "Oh, I'm sure they'll still taste fine," as you spread on the tomato sauce and toppings.
Don't put enough cheese on it.

Have a sister to come check on them and get the idea to add some cheddar cheese.

Try to help her sprinkle cheddar cheese and dump a clump on one spot (see it in the picture below?).

Groan really loud when it's time to take them out of the oven so your poor sister will have pity on you and come take them out for you. (Yes, that's mean. But no, I promise it wasn't schemed; it just came naturally. :-/ )

Enjoy pizza dinner with fabulous sister and awesome brother and cool conversation.

when it all looks wrong

2012-01-16T11:53:00.000-06:00

What must Abraham have thought? He rose early in the morning and went to the place where he had just met God the previous afternoon... where the Lord walked and spoke with him.... where he wrestled with the Lord in prayer... where the Lord had granted him his request. Certainly Abraham's heart was assured of Lot's safety, for he knew that God was faithful and would keep His word.

But what must he have thought at that moment.... to look out in complete faith, and then to see the entire city being consumed in brimstone and fire?

We do not know God's ways. Some days it may seem like all God's promises are being burned, ravaged... as though He has not kept His word. We are tempted to think that He has forgotten us.

When we don't understand what He's doing, when we don't see His hand or how He could ever care for us when such things are happening, when it all just looks wrong .... that is the time to trust. To know that He is good. To believe it with all our hearts, even when it completely defies our view of reality.

He is, and He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.

Surfer Girl

2011-12-30T11:13:00.000-06:00

To celebrate Mom's birthday, we threw a Surfer Girl party hailing back to her growing-up years in California with the Beach Boys. My mommy is so awesome and so cool..... how many moms of 9 do you know who spend their 55th birthdays tap-dancing, blowing bubble gum, and "surfing" on an Indo Board? =) We love you, Mom!

a place of quiet rest

2011-12-28T13:12:00.003-06:00

"When we embrace our identity as sons and daughters of the living God, we can repent and name our sin instead of excusing it away." -Mars Hill Blog

Oh, how true.

And oh, how hard it is to see this without the clarity of hindsight.

Those times when I thought that I'd created such a mess that surely there was no honorable solution? When I had not only gotten myself into a pickle but also been wholly responsible for injuring others? When I screwed up so badly trying to get out of the pickle by myself that surely nobody could forgive me or trust me ever again? The way out was repentance: humbling myself to confess that I was wrong, offering no excuse, and throwing myself on mercy, without expectation.

Then there are occasions when, again, there seems to be no way out -- but the strait is caused by another's sin. What about those times when I feel caught between a rock and a hard place? When I despair of rescue? When I say I can't go another day? When I want to give up on life? Then again, the answer is repentance -- first, of any sin of mine that contributed to the trouble, no matter how "insignificant," and then, repentance of my lack of faith. Because with God, all things are possible. Another's sin does not prevent Him from being my Rock of deliverance, my strong shelter, and it does not prevent me from loving Him and loving my neighbor.

There are other situations, too. What about when it's just a minor issue? When I have a valid excuse? When it's just "something I struggle with"? When it's mostly the other person's fault, and besides, he started it? When I'm sure nobody really cares anyway? If everybody does it all the time? What if I would really rather hide it and try to fix it all up myself)? The solution to sin remains: repentance.

And if that means confession to someone who is clearly in the wrong himself?

Or if it means embarrassment, possible public humiliation, or shame?

I see nothing in God's Word that cuts me slack in anything it labels sin. His Word is truth, and it is truth that sets me free. If His Word declares me to be in the wrong - even in the tiniest of matters - then I am wrong no matter what the situation may be. If I am wrong, I must repent.

For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: "In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” But you would not, and you said, “No, for we will flee on horses." (Is. 30:15-16)

How stupid. How utterly stupid. The wayward, vile nation of Israel had the promise of God Himself! The Holy One of Israel! Do this and be saved. Do NOTHING but trust Me, and in your weakness find My strength. And they in their infinite self-centeredness (for the wisdom of man is foolishness with God) decided the smartest course was to flee - to save themselves - to rescue themselves from their own terrible mess.

And how stupid, how utterly stupid I am far too often -- to think that I have to fix myself up before coming to God. To think that I have to clean up the mess I created. To think that I even have the ability to do so. To forget that He is the redeemer, restorer, and healer, and that in my weakness His strength is made perfect. To be ashamed to lift my head in His presence on account of my guilt, counting His blood as imperfect to wash away the stain when once I have repented of my sin.

There IS a place of quiet rest. It's near to the heart of God. Those who come to Him He will surely not cast out, for He promises: when you seek Me, you shall find Me, when you search with all your heart. And he who comes to Him is not required to have it all together; he need not have rescued himself from his own wickedness to be fit to come into God's presence; he must only believe that God is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Thank You, Jesus, for Your precious mercy....and for pursuing me in whatever way it takes until I come to You and find rest.

5:48

2011-12-13T22:10:00.001-06:00

Five minutes, 48 seconds (and that was the second time through tonight). Can you beat our record?

30 jumping jacks

5 push-ups

25 high knees

7 burpees

10 ab choppers

15 Mary Katherine lunges

5 push-ups

10 ab choppers

5 push-ups

15 Mary Katherine lunges

30 jumping jacks

1 minute wall squat

5 push-ups

25 high knees

Rinse and repeat till you die. If you survive more than three times through, please let me know so I can be motivated to outdo you.

(Thanks to Beth for the brilliant work-out idea, and to Ana for doing it with us tonight.)

you already know

2011-12-06T16:07:00.000-06:00

"You already know...."

I'd asked her to pray for me that I would do the right thing -- that God would reveal His will to me and I would really know it and follow it. She asked a few questions and saw right through me in a way that I hadn't even seen myself.

"You already know what you are supposed to be doing. You know the Lord; you know His Word. You know His promises, and you know His commands. It is very clear to you." And she was right; my question was only an excuse - a means of disobedience.

I already knew what I was supposed to be doing, right then and there. God had not left me floundering; I was only groping for some additional human affirmation. And I was hesitating in whole-hearted obedience because I wanted the assurance that if I obeyed God, things would turn out the way I wanted. I wanted a guarantee of results.

But none would be forthcoming.

That was years ago; but her answer still rings in my ears. How many times I use prayer (or prayer requests) as an excuse to delay obedience, instead of acting immediately on what I already know and trusting God to light my path as I am in the way, walking with Him.

Obedience is mine; results are God's. And he who believes on Him will by no means be put to shame.

Inexplicable

2011-12-05T23:19:00.000-06:00

happinesses

2011-12-04T21:14:00.001-06:00

playing at the hospital....knowing that this is why I am a musician
seeing my Sunshine :) on a surprise visit

tasting God's graciousness
eating a very yummy sandwich that somebody special made me
getting far more sore than I've been in a looong time (thank you, Ivy)
snuggling up with my little cowboy.....best way to stay warm on a frigid teaching morning
playing a beautiful Steinway concert grand
holding precious baby Eden

(Photo from her family)

receiving the biggest hug ever from my specialest little guy <3
having windshield wipers that WORK when I drive in the rain (as opposed to the time when...um, they didn't work)
coming home safe and sound after 14-hour, 100-mile work days
participating in a wonderful girly conversation at a bridal shower about all sorts of girly things... you know, cars, trial riding, shotguns, rifles, skeet shooting, kangaroo hunting, tactical camo skirts, and the like
having lovely sisters who laugh at me and make me laugh at myself

getting my brother back as he recovers
enjoying my neighbors' hospitality and friendship....and movie theater
knowing that I have to please only the Lord instead of meeting others' expectations
talking with a friend who understands

for this is the will of God

2011-12-02T15:25:00.001-06:00

When a marriage is full of strife, it is because someone needs to die and isn't doing it. (Andree Seu, World Magazine)

My parents kept our home filled with books -- GOOD books. I remember other kids asking me what sort of books I liked to read (because I did so love to read). I always interpreted the question as, "What biographies are your favorites?", because I didn't really comprehend that any books besides biographies even existed. I distinctly recall the first time I read fiction. I was amazed at how such wondrous things could happen to a person... until I realized that it was all made up. Then I was horrified that someone had the audacity to lie like that.

But back to those good books.... we had shelves and shelves full of them, and I read them all -- well, except for the journals of George Whitefield, which were much too intimidating; although I did get desperate enough to skim them a few times.

One day we picked up a new addition, A Chance to Die. It was Elisabeth Eliott Gren's biography of Amy Carmichael, and it was well-written and a good story, but I never understood the title. I think I do now.

I read that quotation at the top a few days ago in an article titled "Absolute Surrender". ("When a marriage is full of strife, it is because someone needs to die and isn't doing it.")

Something tells me that is true not only of marriage, but of all relationships. Married people and missionaries to India and soldiers and martyrs are not the only ones who are granted a chance to die. It's an opportunity we are all graciously given, more often than most of us would choose.

Crossroads.

Decision points.

It is a legitimate choice to be defrauded rather than pressing for your rights. That would take dying, wouldn't it? That would take absolute surrender of all earthly desires, for the greater good of the glory of God. Are we prepared to do that? (Ibid)

My feelings are ruffled; will I allow myself to soak in self-pity? My quiet time is interrupted; will I inwardly groan with resentment even if I smile and say, "no problem"? My pride is threatened; will I protect its beastly ugliness and allow it to thrive?

Or will I accept the chance to die?

What's more.... will I give thanks for the opportunity, knowing that it is the means of accomplishing God's will in my life? For this is the will of God: my sanctification.

so much to be thankful for (or, the insignificance of the corners)

2011-11-24T21:21:00.000-06:00

"You know, there are two kinds of being alive..... there's the alive where you're physically alive, but - something is dead about the way that you live."

"Yeah, totally. That's so sad when people are like that."

"But then there's.... [she joined me, in unison....] there's ALIVE-ALIVE!!!!"

"Yes, and that's what we are!"

"Oh yeah!"

I'm so glad my baby sister gets it. :)

That's what I'm thankful for.... for the ability to be thankful. For being delivered from the curse of death - transferred out of the dominion of darkness into the kingdom of life and light. For having my eyes opened to so many things to be thankful for. And for the JOY OF THE LORD that enables me to rejoice in everything, simply because my God is sovereignly powerful and altogether good.

There are always things to make you alive-dead, if that's what you're looking to be.

It can be the little things.... like when you drag yourself out of bed at 5:45 in the morning (15 minutes after your alarm) scurry to get ready, and then dump over your whole cup of necessary hot tea as you dry to dash out the door. Oops. Or when you are so tired later that afternoon that you write "Chalifour" instead of "Catherine" for your student's name. Or when you get home and discover somebody else ate the leftovers you'd been looking forward to all day.

Or it can be the big things. A text with numbing news that makes even someone like me speechless in shock for a few seconds. A chronic illness. A closing of a door that redirects a life. Horrid tension that makes you want to shut yourself up, thinking it would be less painful to be dead.

None of those things force you to be alive-dead, but they sure do provide ample opportunity.

But all those things? The things that can change, the tigers and bees that jump out to bite and sting? They are only the corners of life.

The things in the very tips of the corners? (You might have to click on it and zoom in to see them, they're so insignificant.) Those are what can get me down. They're the unstability. The things I can't count on. The things that can take me by surprise... either pleasantly, or crushingly.

And you know what? If it can change, it's not worth a moment's regretful thought. If it can burn up, it's not worth a glance back.

But those things in the middle? That's LIFE. Standing on those things - the things that can never, ever, ever, ever, EVER change? That's being alive....the real kind of alive.... ALIVE-ALIVE. Hoping and trusting with every fiber of my being in my God and His sovereignty and goodness? That's joy that can never be shaken.

Lest anyone who doesn't know me get any false ideas, let me clarify an important point: this is my ideal. This is not always my reality.

I can too often be caught zooming up on the corners, which leads always to worry, discouragement, discontent. But every single time, God, in His grace, shows me how utterly stupid I am. And in His goodness, He refocuses me to see all that I have to be thankful for. I am humbled and awed by its magnificence and immensity. And I remember how wonderful it is to be ALIVE-ALIVE.

In case anybody might be interested.... and, mostly, because I can't pass up the chance to talk about my absolute favorite book and author besides the Bible.... I will mention The Art of Divine Contentment. (full text online) My pastor's wife lent me this gem over a year ago and it changed my life. God used it to open my eyes to what it truly means to be alive-alive.

Contentment is not just thanking Him for all His goodness. It's not just "being OK" with the trials that will surely come, and grit my teeth and know I can get through by His grace. It's not even successfully ignoring all the bad stuff and psyching myself into seeing only the happy stuff.

It's devaluing the corners and seeing the big picture.

More specifically, it's seeing what a wretched, filthy sinner I am, and what a glorious, good, powerful, truly awesome God He is. Knowing that He is mine. And truly loving Him.

Yes. I have so much to be thankful for. So many people. So many blessings. But most of all, I am thankful to be freed from the curse of sin so that I can be thankful for everything.

If there be an heaven upon earth thou hast it. O Christian! thou mayest insult over thy troubles, and, with the leviathan, laugh at the shaking of a spear. (Job 41. 7) What shall I say? Thou art a crown to thy profession; thou dost hold it out to all the world, that there is virtue enough in religion to give the soul contentment; thou showest the highest of grace. When grace is crowning, it is not so much for us to be content; but when grace is conflicting, and meets with crosses, temptations, agonies; now to be content, this is a glorious thing indeed.

To a contented Christian, I shall say two things for a farewell. 1. God is exceedingly taken with such a frame of heart. God saith of a contented Christian, as David once said of Goliath’s sword, “there is none like that, give it me.” If you would please God, and be men of his heart, be contented. God hates a froward spirit. 2. The contented Christian shall be no loser. What lost Job by his patience? God gave him twice as much as he had before. What lost Abraham by his contentment? he was content to leave his country at God’s call: the Lord makes a covenant with him, that he would be his God: he changeth his name; no more Abram, but Abraham, the father of many nations: (Ge. 17) God makes his seed as the stars of heaven; nay, honours, him with this title, “the father of the faithful:” (Ge. 18. 17) the Lord makes known his secrets to him, “shall I hide from Abraham the things that I will do?” God settles a rich inheritance upon him, that land which was a type of heaven, and afterwards translated him to the blessed paradise. God will be sure to reward the contented Christian. As our Saviour said in another case, to Nathaniel, “because I said I saw thee under the fig-tree, believest thou? thou shalt see greater things than these:” (Jno. 1. 50) so I say, art thou contented (O Christian) with a little? thou shalt see greater things than these. God will distill the sweet influences of his love into thy soul; he will raise thee up friends; he will bless the oil in the cruise; and when that is done, He will crown thee with an eternal enjoyment of himself; he will give thee heaven, where thou shalt have as much contentment as thy soul can possibly thirst after.

-- Thomas Watson, "The Art of Divine Contentment"

friends are for loving

2011-11-14T10:03:00.000-06:00

rainy days are for walks

canyons are for exploring

dogs are for coming along :)

beautiful tree arbors are for admiring

"No Trespassing" signs are for pictures

cool trees are for photoshoots

camo skirts are for climbing trees. and pretty much everything else.

smiles are for treasuring

fun times are for remembering

and friends are for loving...

...forever.

my heart's cry

2011-11-13T18:49:00.000-06:00

"Many things -- such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly -- are done worst when we try hardest to do them." (C.S. Lewis)

That quote has disturbed me since I heard it.

How does one love well when the loving doesn't come naturally?

Here's something else I have found disturbing recently:

"Let love be without hypocrisy.... Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love..." (Romans 12)

If I had only the first truth, I could dismiss the thought of trying to love and just let it happen as it will. But the second gives me absolutely no room for escape. I am caught between a rock and a hard place: I must love, and it must be the natural outpouring of what is in my heart.

I have no brilliant solution, only that I must die. I must decrease and He must increase -- for He is love. I only know this: if the Lord appears to me tonight as He did to Solomon long ago, my request will be swift: Lord, let me love like You do. This is my heart's cry.

even more exciting than skydiving....

2011-11-12T09:44:00.000-06:00

Saturday night. He heard I'd just gone skydiving that morning and laughed -- "I guess tomorrow's gonna be a letdown, then!"

The week before, we got together with friends Sunday evening and had a pretty fun party. :) Someone commented, "Too bad every Sunday can't be this much fun!"

I have news. Skydiving was exciting; I can't deny that; and I can't wait to go again. (Come with me?) But church the next day was even more wonderful.

What could be more thrilling than hearing God's truth proclaimed squarely and solidly by faithful pastors? Than having Christ exalted and glorified? Than hearing about our wretched state and then about God's amazing, sovereign grace? Than rejoicing with a hundred others, singing about our awesome God?

What could be more exciting than seeing the body of Christ function in unity and harmony through the bond of love? ...than talking with my brothers and sisters, my fathers and mothers in the Lord -- people who know my heart, and I know theirs? ....than spending the bulk of a day being exhorted to love the Lord, and having opportunity to spur one another on to love and good deeds?

My church is an imperfect fellowship, yet God's strength is made perfect in weakness. He is the one who builds His church, and I am a part of this great and awesome work, and THIS IS EXCITING! Yes -- more exciting than skydiving.

Actually, it is the excitement I have in the Lord that enables me to be excited about everything else -- jumping out of a plane, gutting a deer, partying with friends, eating cheesecake, getting up in the frigid morning to jog, seeing bluebonnets every March, washing dishes.... I can be thrilled about any of these things because I have the foundation of being thrilled about God.

He gives me joy. And when He gives something? It is thrilling. Perfectly, completely thrilling. It saturates my life and everything I do with excitement in a way that nothing else by itself could. Nope, not even skydiving.

Heav’n above is softer blue, Earth around is sweeter green!
Something lives in every hue Christless eyes have never seen;
Birds with gladder songs o’erflow, flowers with deeper beauties shine,
Since I know, as now I know, I am His, and He is mine.....
-George W. Robinson, 1876

And this about sums it up.

2011-11-09T21:52:00.002-06:00

Falling with style

2011-11-06T19:06:00.001-06:00

I knelt down on the edge, reaching for the metal bar on top to keep from falling. "No," she reminded me, "Keep your hands on yourself...." I instinctively shrank back from the terrifying opening, realizing that nothing but my instructor's grip on the bar prevented me from plunging two miles downward.

What am I doing?! crossed my mind for a fraction of a second. Then I glanced back inside the plane, saw my friends waiting their turn, and knew this was for real and it was amazing. And that I would love it and do it again.

Full of excitement, I folded my arms in, leaned out above the big wide world, heard the countdown, and joyously flung my body out into the atmosphere. I'm not sure I've ever smiled that big. =)

It WAS amazing!

I've been re-living that moment ever since yesterday morning.... feeling my feet leave the platform, hitting the air, wind rushing past my face as I flew down at a dizzying 120 miles an hour, my hair blowing back..... breathing in the cold air as I turned 360 degrees around and around and around again, taking in the horizon....seeing all that space.

I'd thought that actual jump would be the worst part. But I loved it, maybe best of all.

Forty wonderful seconds of freefall later, I felt the brakes as she pulled our parachute. And then, suddenly, it was if the world stopped turning and we were standing still in mid-air, suspended a mile above earth. I turned and looked back at her -- "Is everything OK?" And she smiled. "Welcome to my office!"

And then we floated under the parachute, gliding gently, turning, steering, practicing the landing. With me all the time exclaiming about how awesome it was.

I watched the others land. And then, all too soon, it was my turn. She guided us perfectly. A few yards above the ground...."Flare!" I pulled the handles, floated gently one last time, and then stepped off the atmospheric escalator of air back onto the ground.

And if that wasn't falling with style, I don't know what is!

I Went..... SKYYYYYYDIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-11-05T15:06:00.000-05:00

the countdown begins....

2011-11-04T21:09:00.001-05:00

I think I'm 1.3% nervous and 98.7% super excited.

Tomorrow's gonna be amazing.

*smile*

A Girl And How She Ate Lunch

2011-10-27T18:19:00.001-05:00

Enter Girl.

1:00pm - sits at her computer, working.
1:30pm - sits at her computer, working.
2:00pm - sits at her computer, working.
2:30pm - sits at her computer, working.
3:00pm - talks with her sister.
3:30pm - brainstorm: I'm hungry!!!
3:31pm - brainstorm: If I'm hungry, my darling brother must be, too!

Goes to kitchen. Heats up beans. Heats up tortillas. Mashes beans. Gets out fixings.

Realizes tortillas are old and cardboardy; dumps them. Finds current tortillas; heats them.

Fixes brother's burrito plate. Realizes her tortillas are now cold; throws them back on the hot skillet to reheat.

Takes happy meal upstairs; feels bad about giving brother chips with no hot sauce.

4:00pm

Removes her own reheated tortillas from stove. Runs to neighbor's house to pick up her habanero peppers that got left there when she did.... a project...... (*innocent face*). On the way out the door, remembers to run upstairs and grab 3-4 items of neighbor's that got left at her house and need to be returned.

Returns home. Successfully avoids driving into little boy who is running toward her car as she pulls into driveway.

Returns to kitchen. Makes salsa. Forgets to add serrano peppers. Remembers to add serrano peppers. Finishes salsa and serves it to brother.

Mixes up orange juice; takes orange juice and banana bread to brother.

Returns to kitchen. Reheats tortillas a third time. Attempts to reheat beans. Retrives fixings from fridge.

4:30 PM - Girl makes her burritos!

Takes one bite. Sets plate on counter; rinses off blender. Discovers dishcloths are dirty; starts a load of kitchen laundry.

Returns a few texts that have come in.

Returns to kitchen. Rinses all dirty dishes and stacks them in sink.

Brainstorm: I'm REALLY HUNGRY!!!! Everybody else probably is, too. I should get some supper going. In the meantime, I think I need a snack.

Reaches for banana bread. Realizes counters need to be cleared. Sets down banana bread.

Begins to clear counter. Lifts full plate of lunch. Brainstorm: This is MY lunch and this is why I'm so hungry!

Eats another bite. Pours a glass of milk. Returns milk to fridge and realizes the rest of food should be put away. Puts away rest of food. Wipes counters.

Finds plate of now-cold burritos again. Glances at pile of dirty dishes.....

Brainstorm: Takes food and milk to bench.

4:45pm - Girl sits down and eats entire lunch.

---

No wonder the very last thing my mama told me when I moved out of her house was, "....and DON'T FORGET TO EAT!"

apples of gold in settings of silver

2011-10-25T10:59:00.001-05:00

If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.
(Oswald Chambers)

Thank You, Jesus.

Here is the difference between a holy complaint and a discontented complaint; in the one we complain to God, in the other we complain of God.
(Thomas Watson)

The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.
(Sherlock Holmes)

I regret everything that I have held back. I regret nothing that I have given.
(Paul Washer)

If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us?
(Moses)

this good day

2011-10-23T22:19:00.000-05:00

....and in my heart I know that this good day - it is a gift from You
The world is turning in its place because You made it to
I lift my voice to sing a song of praise
On this good day.

Yes. I will praise You in this storm. Because Your lovingkindness endures forever.

what makes a day good

2011-10-21T10:17:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a good day. A very good one.

Nothing extraordinary happened. I rolled out of bed at 5:40, drove an hour, taught all morning, visited my grandparents, grocery shopped, came home, and then spent the evening engaged in various activities with friends. All of that was good, but none of it is what made my day good.

When I rolled down my windows on my way home, turned up the music, and felt such bursts of joy that I was compelled to cry out to the fields, "God is SO GOOD!", it wasn't because of anything that He did for me that day. It was precisely because He IS good.

His grace was sufficient for me, whatever happened or failed to happen; that alone is enough to make a day good.

And that gives me confidence that today will be a good day - because His grace will be sufficient. Even if nothing on my to-do list happens the way I planned, even if nothing commonly considered "good" happens, I have "strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow." And that thought alone gives me overwhelming joy.

In His goodness, though, He does send good things - not always what I want or request, but I can trust that they ARE good, because He would never send anything else.

This morning, I was talking to God about something that He could do for me. Yes, I know everything I just said about rejoicing in the character of God above His acts. But I just shared my heart with Him.... that there was a package I'd ordered that was due to arrive next Monday at the earliest, but I really, really wanted it to arrive today because it's something I need for tomorrow. And I thought that, maybe, He could cause the mail to work so that it would arrive today.

I realized it was a little late to be praying for that - I probably should have started praying when I ordered it, so people would start hurrying up right away. But God is not limited by my prayers, and I knew that He could make it come whenever He chose. And if He chose to delay it, then I could still trust His goodness, and He would still be every bit as good.

And so, smiling at that thought, I came to my computer to write about His goodness. And there, on my desk, was something that must have come in yesterday's mail:

God's goodness is so great.

And if I open the package and it's the wrong product? His goodness is every bit as great. And His greatness is every bit as good.

53,310,843

2011-10-03T16:16:00.000-05:00

53 million, 310 thousand, 8 hundred and 43.

That's over twice the population of Texas.

Watch this documentary and I think you will agree with me that it was 33 minutes very well-invested.

180

Colorado...

2011-10-01T15:48:00.001-05:00

I don't know what it was - maybe a hint of crisp, cool fall air, maybe making plans for other trips and events, maybe spending time just talking with my brother the past few days - but something made me think of Colorado.

We had planned it months previously, not knowing that we would end up moving 3 days before; that my brother would have a major work project due right then; that I was supposed to be playing an orchestra concert that weekend. Somehow, despite all that, we still managed to finally leave town the night before the conference began.

I still remember turning over the wheel to Nathan for the final shift, and then just relaxing and talking while we enjoyed the marvelous beauty of the mountains at sunrise. Impeccable timing.

It kind of didn't even matter that the alternator went out and we had to replace it by the side of the road, missing the entire first morning of the conference. We did discover that it can be difficult to get anyone to stop and help when you're driving a cop car. Solution: strong, able-bodied guy sits in the car; girl stands by the hood holding jumper cables as awkwardly and helplessly as possible. Took about 30 seconds, and then we met some very nice people and were humbled by the kindness of strangers.

But I got to spend time with my brother, and the mountains were breathtaking that morning, and the air was so pure. Yes, I'm a Texas girl, but I sure don't mind an occasional visit to Colorado.

I emailed Cheri that night.... "I'm in your area - can you do lunch?" She drove over the next day and we enjoyed sweet conversation, yummy burritos, and intercessory prayer together. Love you, Cheri! Miss you.

I'd been to Colorado once before, about 20 years ago....but it felt like an entirely new experience, being in the mountains. Less than 36 hours and we were headed back....another all-nighter and we were at church the next morning. Such a whirlwind trip. But time seemed to slow down, just a little, and it is still a beautiful memory of a wonderful weekend.

How To Write Good

2011-09-30T09:59:00.003-05:00

I hope you find these guidelines helpful!

Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
While a transcendent vocabulary is laudable, one must nevertheless keep incessant surveillance against such loquacious, effusive, voluble verbosity that the calculated objective of communication becomes ensconced in obscurity.
In a sentence, the nouns has to match the verbs.
Don't use no double negatives.
In writing, few things are, so to speak, more infuriating, than, say, commas, at least when there are too many of them, or when they should be, say, semicolons.
Proofread your work, so you don't leave some out or forget to finis
Run-on sentences are really bad because the reader saturates and what you really should be doing is using commas and semicolons and even periods to break the sentence up into more digestible chunks.
To have been using excessively complex verb constructions, is to have been bopping the literary baloney.
A friend I spoken with recently told me he been forgetting his helper verbs.

(generally attributed to Frank L. Visco)

"Why do we fall?"

2011-09-29T01:11:00.000-05:00

Why do we fall into sin? Because we were doing what we shouldn't, or because we weren't doing what we should.
-paraphrase from sermon

"Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh."
-Galatians 5:16

"Be killing sin, or sin will be killing you."
-John Owen

"Exercise thy right, O believer, and live up to thy privilege. Thou art free to all that is treasured up in Christ--wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption... O what a "freedom" is thine! freedom from condemnation, freedom to the promises, freedom to the throne of grace, and at last freedom to enter heaven!"
-John Bunyan, The Heavenly Footman

from Coach Tony's clipboard....

2011-09-29T00:48:00.000-05:00

"Don't let what you can't do keep you from doing what you can."

I can't run a marathon....but I can jog a mile.

I can't do 50 more push-ups....but I can probably do one more.

I can't always call all the friends I should....but I can start by calling one.

I can't feed all the homeless and impoverished....but I can take my brother a meal.

Some days I just can't get my whole house spotless....but I can nearly always wash a sinkful of dishes, sweep the floor, empty the trash.

I can't make everyone else trust God and love Him and serve Him.... but by His grace, I am enabled to do that myself.

I can't get to sleep tonight....but I can pray and enjoy sweet fellowship with a God who never slumbers; He is always there.

Hmm. It's amazing the edification that one can get from a football game. :)

Sanctification Wars

2011-09-08T15:01:00.000-05:00

"I just found THE BEST APP!"

"What is it?!"

"Not telling! Cause then you'll be more sanctified than I." (hides iPhone quickly)

(grabs Bible off table) "Well, I have this!"

waves iPhone.... "I have about 50 of them on here. But seriously, SermonAudio is good, but this?! This is amazing." (navigates to page inside app, shows a quick scroll down a page with dozens of titles using words like "Sovereignty," "Holiness," "Theology," "Chosen," "Reformation," "Passion," "Cross," "Overcoming") "See this page? Each one of these is a whole CONFERENCE!"

(searches "Sanctification 101" in app store) "Stink. Nothing came up."

--

I was going to tell her on here what app it was, and see how often she reads my blog. :) But a little later she came back in, pink fashion earbuds in her ears, flashing the home screen of the Ligonier app on her iPhone. She found it. So now I better get busy, because she's already listening. I have some catching up to do.

"For this is the will of God: your sanctification."

It's Just Stuff

2011-09-05T22:57:00.000-05:00

I just did something I've never done before: I packed an emergmecy evacuation bag.

The fires aren't currently close enough to threaten us, but I've been watching billowing smoke all day from a 32,000-acre, uncontained blaze. I passed three fires on the way home from church. I've heard from multiple friends who had to evacuate their homes. Some 200 acres 6 miles away burned yesterday. Twenty acres just half a mile up the road were charred a few weeks ago. In light of all that, and the continuing extreme dryness, I thought it would be foolish not to be prepared.

I don't know what most people take with them, but as I scanned my room I found very little that I thought would be worth saving. Yes, a few changes of clothes and other basic items are practical. My computer has documents that would be a hassle to recreate, and photos of cherished memories and people that I'd be sad to lose. My camera and violin are replaceable but expensive, so worth the trouble to take if there's time.

But really, it's just stuff. Anything that can be destroyed by fire is so temporal it may as well already be disintegrating. The Lord gives it for His purposes - to glorify His name and advance His kingdom - and He can very well take it away for the same reasons.

How awesome and fearful it is to realize through this terrible, unprecedented drought and resulting monstrous wildfires just how frail my life is. Just how dependent on Him I am for each day's breath. Just how He does rule the earth, despite man's pompous claims with technological advancements. I am helpless.

But how utterly beautiful and precious it is to understand that my treasure - the treasure of Jesus - can never be wrenched from me. It can never be destroyed.

So....take the stuff. It just doesn't matter. I have my Jesus.

the call of the cross

2011-09-01T08:08:00.000-05:00

"And if thou art in him, thou wilt presently see the cross. Thou must go close by it; thou must touch it; nay thou must take it up, or else thou wilt quickly go out of the way that leads to heaven. . . .

"Therefore, if thou meet with the cross in thy journey, in what manner soever it be, be not daunted and say, Alas! what shall I do now? But rather take courage, knowing that by the cross is the way to the kingdom."

(John Bunyan, The Heavenly Footman)

the greatest blessing

2011-08-31T23:05:00.002-05:00

"I will make you a great nation; I will bless you and make your name great; and you shall be a blessing."

This blows my mind. That God takes a man, Abram - sinful, human, fleshly - chooses him, draws him near to himself, and actually promises to make him great is astounding. But that God takes this very same man - sinful, human, fleshly, made righteous through faith in Christ's imputed righteousness - and through him blesses all the families of the earth....? This, to me, is inscrutable. And it is so beautiful.

So great is Abraham's supernatural, God-given legacy and so strong is this blessing that it reaches to me, thousands of years after he is dead. Through this blessing that comes from Abraham's line - the blessing of Christ, the Savior of the world - He takes me, one who has no chance of any goodness, no ability to choose Him. He chooses me, makes me righteous so I can stand before Him, and has given me every spiritual blessing through great and precious promises.

And that is not all; He takes me - one who has nothing to offer, with no good in me, only stinky wretchedness - and makes me to be a fragrance of Christ, an aroma of life to those who are perishing. He uses me, a recipient of His blessed grace, to be a blessing to others.

Almost 20 years ago, I was in a violin ensemble with a few other little girls. We dressed up like miniature brides in elegant white dresses and performed in banks, malls, weddings, churches, and people's backyard parties. I remember Megan's rich 6-year-old voice singing "Make Me A Servant," a prayer to be a blessing to others; I echoed it in my heart.

String Sisters...Megan and I are the blondes in the middle

Fast forward a decade and a little more....I sang as part of an ensemble for the high school graduation of some friends. One of the mothers requested a song, "Bless them, Lord, and make them a blessing....". It stirred my heart, rekindling my desire to be used as the Lord's channel of blessing.

These two instances are not deviant. All my life I've been told that I am to serve others; to love others; to bless others; to surrender to the Lord to let Him use me. I've heard the call of the cross to lay down my life in sacrificial love. I've read the end of I Corinthians 1 and marveled at His choosing and calling me. I've known that I am the Lord's vessel of ministry through the power of Christ in me.

But somehow.....and I pause to consider it rather extraordinary that I could have considered so wonderful a thing to be ordinary.....somehow, I missed the significance of the fact. In my busyness trying to be the Lord's vessel and minister for Him, I failed to see the awesome stroke of power that caused this to be so. Too often I was downcast at what I deemed the hardships of servitude when I should have been uplifted at the delights of stewardship. I should be the abject beggar; instead, I am the rich heir, clothed and adorned, having all my needs met and enough left over to gather up baskets full to distribute to others.

And so tonight, I marvel. I try to grasp this greatest blessing of all -- the blessing of being a blessing to others. I fall on my knees, humbled and awed. I cry out for wisdom, for eyes of faith. And I praise the God who is awesome in all His deeds -- my God.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace.

thanking God....

2011-08-26T14:51:00.000-05:00

...for friends who say, "How can I pray for you today?"

...for friends who ask questions and probe deep in late-night chats, motivating me to go read Galatians and Romans before I go to bed

...for friends who encourage me to try new things

...for friends who hold me accountable to God's standards instead of making me feel better about my sin

...for friends who are gracious and merciful in spite of my shortcomings and failures

...for a God who is good and gives good things, always

treasures

2011-08-16T14:36:00.000-05:00

"...and you just take those days, and you treasure them up, and wait until the next one..."

You wonderful people who mean the world to me, including all the ones not pictured above -- thank you for being cherished gemstones in my heart's treasure chest.

Socialization

2011-08-13T23:18:00.000-05:00

thinking....

2011-07-30T22:02:00.000-05:00

"thinking..."

I put that on my status last night, mostly just because I had no complete thought to set there. Within 5 minutes I had my screen full of chat boxes, with people wanting to know just what was on my mind. I guess the idea of Rachel thinking is unusual . . . ?

I know I am blonde, in more ways than one. Good grief -- I'm not even a mom yet, and I still forget what I went upstairs to fetch, or whom I'm calling after I've dialed the number (fortunately, I can look at my phone and it tells me), or where my keys are (especially when I'm holding them). And yes, I've dropped my sister off at a friend's house and completely forgotten about picking her up. Mom? I forgive you for leaving me stranded after piano lessons so many times; I only wonder how you remembered to come the times that you did.

But, at least occasionally, when you see a glazed-over look on my face, it may not be just that I worked 15 hours yesterday and am exhausted, or that I am unable to follow the flow of conversation. It could be that I heard a few words that sparked another thought, which led down another mental path.... Perhaps I am whizzing at a dizzying speed through vast territories of ideas, exploring intricacies of seemingly unconnected islands that somehow I have managed to bridge, inexplicably even to myself.

In an ideal world, I would sit and ponder each thought, out in a meadow on a quilt, with a bowl of dark chocolate kisses, until through serendipity I reached its brilliant conclusion. However, I do not live in such perfection, for I have become an adult.

An adult. This means that menu plans and lesson plans replace exploration plans; grocery lists and chore lists take priority over reading lists; car maintenance comes before philosophical maintenance; and I must dust my piano prior to dusting off old ideas. Of course, all these practical, adultish tasks may be performed only in between dishes and meals, and the space between those seems rather thinner than a dime's width. It must have been a man who decided that nothing was certain but death and taxes; I declare dirty dishes and hungry people to be yet more certain.

I scratch my head sometimes -- or shake it with some sympathy -- when I hear younger friends complain about their moms always bugging them to complete chores, or interrupting them at the most inauspicious times. One day they will realize that it was better to be pestered than to wake up late and tired because you didn't have the foresight to go to bed early or the self-control to get out of bed at the first alarm, only to realize that you have no clean clothes to wear to work, where you are expected to be shortly, because you forgot to move the laundry along. Oh, and breakfast doesn't just appear on the table when you run downstairs, and you probably won't get less hungry as the day goes on. How do I know all these things? Hmm, let me get back to you on that....

But back to this business of being an adult. Thinking time is not a luxury, reserved for my pleasure like a box at the opera. It happens either on top of adultishness, or not at all. Like this:

So, I am driving out for teaching, listening to Philippians, and I hear "earnest expectations." The way my brain works, I pull those two words out of context and my brain is light years away before my iPod gets to the next verse. What am I expecting? Are expectations always bad, as I have been incessantly taught? What about expecting that God will be good - do I really? Do I earnestly expect that He will be glorified? Do I expect the fruit of the Spirit in my life? Do I expect His chastening to bring me back every time I need it?

I snap out of such reverie long before I wish; now I must decide how I will make a student remember that E is the highest violin string, and G is the lowest.

This morning, putting away last night's clean, dry dishes, I spied a bird flying out the window. That almost looks like a vulture... I wonder if something died? Hm, death. Reminds me of a conversation I had on martyrdom with a sweet curlyheaded friend yesterday. It's an awesome thing to be called to martyrdom, but what about everyday dying to self? It's so easy to pretend.... What about at church last week when I was trying to get out of mopping by volunteering for every other job? Ouch.

Meat is thawed and goes in a brine for tonight's venison stroganoff. I make cinnamon rolls and run upstairs for a quick shower while they bake. More thinking time.... but it's over before I can put a finger on where my heart is. I do spy an old history book while I fly downstairs, and remember a historical film I discussed with a friend last week.... What made George Washington so well-respected? How was he so decisive and bold in judging right and wrong, yet so kind and deferential in peace-making between factions? Are there any more men like him?

Smoothies would be good.... I cut up a papaya and banana, put the extra into a Ziploc for a frozen smoothie pack later. Thirty more seconds of thinking time as the blender whirls....OK, time to take happy meals to my hardworking brother and sister. Cinnamon rolls, yogurt fruit smoothies, and strawberries - this should keep us full for a couple of hours at least. And then it's dish time again. I wonder when someone will invent nonstick cups so we don't waste the last 3 tablespoons of each smoothie.

More thinking time.... but now I realize I cannot grasp what I am thinking. What am I really feeling? What do I love? What makes me cry? What do I want? What do I earnestly expect?

Am I truly just content, or am I afraid to admit what I desire? Afraid to ask? Afraid to hurt? Afraid to tell? Are the things that I admit to thinking about today just a ruse to escape the true depths of my heart, because I am afraid to know?

Am I just so busy I don't even know?

Amid strategic homemaking, creative business-running, and daily problem-solving - and, always, another meal and the dishes that surround it -- life is easier when one doesn't think too deeply. I can simplify, streamline, if I just stick with facts -- how many eggs do we need for breakfast? Only focus on completing responsibilities -- are tomorrow's lesson plans ready? Check off my list. Then go to bed, rinse and repeat. And wash dishes and cook more meals.

But then, what is the point? Why should I feed my family and wash our dishes and teach lessons and mop the floor if the only purpose is so I can get up again tomorrow and do the same thing?

And that is why I think.... and dream. I have to dream about impossibilities, I must try to sound out the depths of my soul, and of my world, in order to give dishes and meals meaning. They are the fuel to the fancies, dreams, visions, hopes, and callings God gives us. They are essential, but only as a springboard to the great exploits that He gives to those who know Him - to those who understand the times and who seek out wisdom to know it, searching as for hidden treasure.

And yet, as I ask myself the question I heard last night, "So, what are you thinking about?" I see a shallowness in my answer. I realize I need to be pushed. Or maybe I must push myself to think about difficult subjects. I must seize opportunities for input from wise men and women. I must challenge myself to push through to a conclusion -- if not through serendipitously-occurring solutions, then by intentional, focused, painful brain-stretching and insight-gathering.

I read this today: "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." I hope it is true for women, too. You may laugh, but sometimes, at 25, I feel old. But I don't want to give up. I don't want to get swallowed up in being an adult that I forget to be... to live. To thrive. To enjoy life. To enjoy the Creator who endowed me with the ability to think.....

And yes, I want to learn to really think. And dream. And never grow old in soul.

Happy Meal

2011-07-21T13:44:00.000-05:00

unmasking

2011-07-19T22:44:00.000-05:00

With a smile on your face and a broken heart inside...

That phrase caught my attention this morning as I was driving out south for lessons, with the music turned up nice and high. My smile today came from an unmasked happy heart, and I was rejoicing in a beautiful day. But I know it hasn't always been like that.

And I wondered, soberly, how many of those will I see today? How many smiles will I be able to unmask? How many broken hearts will I love?

God, help me see people as You see them....their hurts, their needs - what lies under the mask.

What does it love?

2011-07-18T20:24:00.005-05:00

Reaction.

It speaks volumes.... more than I want to communicate, and more than I care to admit to myself.

What's my instant reaction when I hear that someone else got something that I wanted? Do I feel a momentary pang of envy? Am I suddenly discontent? That happened twice today. Fail.

What about when I receive unexpected news? If it's wonderful, do I immediately praise God? If it's discouraging, do I immediately praise God?

What happens when my plans are interrupted? Am I surprised? Irritated? Angry? Flustered?

See, after the dust has settled a bit, I can go to Scripture or wise counselors and study to learn how I should respond properly. I can pray for the grace to let the unexpected, unwanted circumstance be an instrument of conforming me to the character of Christ, which any believer must admit to be his goal and God's will for his life. My response tells me what I wish to become -- what I want to want.

But how I react instinctively, before I have time to stop and think about the desired response -- this tells me the state of my heart. On what is it set? In what does it trust? For what does it hope? By what is it made vulnerable?

In short, what does it love?

Love

2011-07-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

Did you ever notice that love suffers long and is kind?

I can sure suffer long. I am fairly comfortable with the idea of making a martyr of myself. Pain is, after all, weakness leaving the body.

I think I am also capable of being kind, at least on occasion -- especially when my day is going splendidly and I'm responding to others' kindness.

But I am not generally a very kind person when I am suffering, particularly when I have been suffering for any length of time. If I'm making a martyr of myself, I want everyone to know.

That is not love. Love lays down its life without murmur. It dies - again, and again, and again. And when love is crushed, it only produces a sweeter fragrance.

Decision Point?

2011-07-08T22:43:00.000-05:00

I cannot say how many times in my life I have faced a decision point -- a fork in the road that I felt would, at least in a small way, determine my destiny, shape the rest of my life, and impact more people than I wanted to know. I can tell you that I tend to agonize over these decisions, cringing lest I misstep, afraid to choose one thing because it eliminates another. Sometimes it seems as if the world is at stake, and that's a bit overwhelming!

But what if I were to realize that the whole idea of a "decision point" is a myth -- that it's merely the time at which I realize what has already been decided long before?

I thought I was choosing Christ at the age of 5 when I repented of my sins, asked His forgiveness, and surrendered my life to His lordship, but I had already been chosen before the foundation of the world to be His.

I thought I was deciding the course of my life when I struggled over whether or not to become a musician at the age of 19. Silly me.... that decision was made beginning when I was 5 years old and my parents enrolled me in music lessons. For the next 13 years, I was given the best instruction Austin had to offer, the best instruments possible, and effective motivation to practice; God granted increased skill and success. And so, duh, I was a musician, whether or not I liked it, and regardless of what I did with it.

If I marry, the question of "who" will not be answered when a proposal comes, but it will have been decided by the desires, hopes, and priorities that have been cemented into my soul for all of my life up until that moment.

Yes. I agree with you. I do have to make actual decisions that do affect the course of my life. You may call those decision points. I don't -- not anymore.

I vividly recall one of those points in my life.... from the strain I felt, you might have thought the entire solar system was counting on me to keep it moving. "God, what should I DO???? Please! I'll do anything.... really! Just tell me what You want!" This doesn't always happen, but He answered in a pretty cool way at that particular time. The next morning, I actually heard a voice saying, "We always ask God what we should do, but really that's not the question. What is important is who we are." It wasn't God's literal voice; it was a friend's. Still, it was timely and potent. And it underscores my thought for tonight.

What I choose to do will naturally flow out of who I am. A crisis that calls for a decision merely reveals the fiber of which I'm made; it does not create it.

So, what if I were to actually realize this? Not just to know it, but to believe it, and live as if I believed it?

The Present

2011-07-07T19:07:00.000-05:00

The present is exactly that: a gift. God help me not be so blind that I miss the loveliness of today.

why?

2011-06-11T23:55:00.000-05:00

I have every reason to be bursting with joy and rejoicing in victory.

Then why is it so hard?

unless my love is kept alive to this end...

2011-06-10T07:45:00.002-05:00

Lord Jesus,
If I love thee my soul shall seek thee,
but how can I seek thee
unless my love to thee is kept alive to this end?
Do I love thee because thou art good,
and canst alone do me good?
It is fitting thou shouldest not regard me,
for I am vile and selfish;
yet I seek thee,
and when I find thee
there is no wrath to devour me,
but only sweet love.

Thou dost stand as a rock
between the scorching sun and my soul,
and I live under the cool lee-side as one elect.
When my mind acts without thee
it spins nothing but deceit and delusion;
When my affections act without thee
nothing is seen but dead works.
O how I need thee to abide in me,
for I have no natural eyes to see thee,
but I live by faith in one whose face to me
is brighter than a thousand suns!

When I see that all sin is in me,
all shame belongs to me;
let me know that all good is in thee,
all glory is thine.
Keep me from the error of thinking
thou dost appear gloriously
when some strange light fills my heart,
as if that were the glorious activity of grace,
but let me see that the truest revelation of thyself
is when thou dost eclipse all my personal glory
and all the honour, pleasure and good of this world.

The Son breaks out in glory
when he shows himself as one who outshines all creation,
makes men poor in spirit,
and helps them to find their good in him.
Grant that I may distrust myself,
to see my all in thee.

she's here!

2011-06-09T08:03:00.002-05:00

My Dolly Dear is here for a visit!

So we're hanging out and doing cool sister things. Like making uber yummy pizzas.

So glad you're here, Doll. <3 <3

more pictures...

KBO

2011-06-04T20:19:00.000-05:00

My inspiration for this evening's work:

In Churchill's words, keep buggering on.

take me home, country roads

2011-06-02T17:15:00.000-05:00

Too much to think about...
too many things trying to squelch my peace
steal my joy.

Time for a walk.

seven miles later
sanity returning
sun pouring gold into the purple-streaked sky
cool evening breeze blowing

thoughts flooding my mind

good thoughts now.

mostly.

just talking with the One who knows.

Sometimes.
Often.
I wish I could see around the next bend.
But it is enough that God does.

It must be enough for me.
Even when I wish with all my being otherwise.

He is good....
works all things for the good of His children.

For the Lord your God, He is the one who goes before you....

Yet in Your manifold mercies

You did not forsake them in the wilderness.

The pillar of the cloud did not depart from them by day,

To lead them on the road;

Nor the pillar of fire by night,

To show them light,

And the way they should go.

Why do you spend money for what is not bread,

And your wages for what does not satisfy?

Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,

And let your soul delight itself in abundance.

And they took strong cities and a rich land,

And possessed houses full of all goods,

Cisterns already dug, vineyards, olive groves,

And fruit trees in abundance.

So they delighted themselves in Your great goodness.

The grass withers

and the flower fades

but the word of our God endures forever.

The meek shall inherit the earth,

and shall delight themselves in the abundance

of peace.

Does the plowman keep plowing all day...?

Does he keep turning his soil and breaking the clods?

...He does not thresh it forever,
Break it with his cartwheel,
Or crush it with his horsemen.
This also comes from the LORD of hosts,
Who is wonderful in counsel and excellent in guidance.

He has made everything beautiful
in its time.

Righteousness will go before Him

and will make His footsteps into a pathway.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord,

my Rock and my Redeemer.

Take me home, country roads.....

How blessed I am to live here.

Thank You, Jesus, for this abundance.

fighting

2011-05-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

There are some precious seasons in a Christian's life when seeking God's face is pure delight, reading His Word is like enjoying the most delectable feast with a new delicacy in every bite, and spending time with Him makes me ecstatic and overflowing with gratitude as I feel loved and cherished by a God and Father whose presence is more real than anything else.

For me, this past week was not one of those times.

In no way could I point to any of His promises and accuse Him of not keeping His Word, for He remains faithful even when we are faithless.

I know and firmly believe that He was no farther from me this week than any other time when he felt close and real. Yet it was a fight this week -- a fight to seek Him, a fight to trust His Word, a fight to believe that He loves me, a fight to lay hold of the truth that He is ordering my steps according to His perfect plan and it is good.

Why should I be surprised? Life ain't meant to be a piece o' cherry pie. Planet Earth is a war zone and I'm an enlisted soldier on active duty. "Must I be carried to the skies on flow'ry beds of ease/While others fought to win the prize, and sailed through bloody seas?"

But it did take me by surprise. I naively thought I had learned the schemes of the enemy who prowls about like a roaring lion. I knew how to resist him, how to use struggles and trials and times when everything is going completely wrong to seek Him harder. And so the wily devil changed tactics, and I wasn't watching my back. I never knew it could be so hard to seek God when nothing in my circumstances was irksome. Complacency is certainly a wretched fiend.

So, for anyone who thought my life was perfect and easy.... believe me when I tell you otherwise. Yes, I am supremely blessed, far beyond what I deserve. I am assured of victory; I'm on the winning side. But my life doesn't always feel good!

"For Your sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.

God is holy - "though the darkness hide Thee, though the eye of sinful man Thy glory may not see...." He is righteous and He is good. Though I do not understand His ways, I know this: He keeps His own. And I am His.

What It All Comes Down To

2011-05-27T11:48:00.001-05:00

Do I really, truly believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him?

If yes, I swim.
If no, I sink.

Here goes . . .

things that make me smile

2011-05-26T23:29:00.008-05:00

Brothers.

Quilts.

Ziploc bags.

Changing my oil.

Blue skies.

Jogging downhill.

People in my house.

My cap that says "Bullet".

Chats about real stuff.

Texts in the middle of the night that wake me up.

Friends who take the time.

Ice cream in the freezer. (See #1)

Camo knives.

Fresh flowers.

Great Exploits

2011-05-25T22:45:00.001-05:00

Hebrews 11.

The Faith Chapter..... God's Hall of Fame.

Abraham's heroic journey; Isaac's supernatural birth; Moses' brilliant leadership; Joshua's awe-inspiring conquests.

The good old stories: Daniel in the lions' den, David and Goliath, Gideon's clay pot victory...

And right there in the middle of it, given the same prominence as all these amazing feats:

And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. Women received their dead raised to life again....

"Out of weakness were made strong."

That, in God's eyes, is greatness.

"...but the people who know their God shall be strong, and carry out great exploits" (Daniel 11:32)

"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (II Corinthians 12:9-10)

before and after

2011-05-24T23:03:00.000-05:00

benefit concert

the octet in performance:

post-concert reception

our spontaneous reaction to having a camera stuck in our face:

If I didn't know better, I'd say we were sisters.

The Day After

2011-05-23T22:39:00.000-05:00

"It's not so much about how you perform the concert," he would say. "What I'm concerned about is your rehearsal the day after. What is your work ethic? Are you focused? Are you ready to achieve and conquer and go farther?"

I was thinking on that much this morning. I spent the past 3 weeks pouring my time and energy into preparation for two benefit concerts to help the Lee family. It was an incredibly challenging task, requiring hours of planning, hundreds of emails, a myriad of texts, endless phone calls, thousands of notes rehearsed, and the teamwork of dozens of dedicated brothers and sisters in the Lord. It drained us and pushed us to the limit -- and we all agreed, it was absolutely worth everything we gave. It was far more work than I imagined, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. God blessed our efforts exceedingly; it was His work, and we were privileged to watch Him work through us. That, my friends, is an awesome experience.

But what about the day after? What about the next morning, when I wake up? There are no more voicemails waiting. No more emails or texts demanding quick replies. No more rehearsals scheduled. No more details to arrange, no more decisions to make.

It's easy to think the task has been done. But the task of stirring one another up to love and good deeds....of demonstrating love to my brothers and sisters in the Lord..... of doing good to the household of faith -- that task is never done.

It's easy to think I deserve a break now. But I deserve no such thing; my weakness demands I rest and God's grace provides refreshment.

It's easy to think I've accomplished something great. But I have accomplished nothing; what was accomplished was God's work entirely, carried out through a team of committed brothers and sisters; and this work was no greater in His eyes than another's faithful service, unnoticed, in mundane "unimportant" things that God values.

So, on the day after - do I wake up with the same attitude of desiring to serve and be used of God?

As a musician, I am all too familiar with the "let-down" feeling after a performance - where, no matter how happy you were with your performance, you just want to go have a good cry. You've given so much emotionally, and you're drained, and you feel you absolutely have nothing left over. I don't have any remedy for that phenomenon, nor can I hope to explain its mysterious complexity to one who hasn't experienced it. But I do know one thing: I can't stop at that.

As a Christian, I am called to something greater that pulls me out of myself. It draws me out of a normal performance mentality and sets every note I play in the context of the history of the world.... a world that God has created; a world that He has filled with people, some to be called as a people for His own possession and others to be condemned to eternal darkness.

The day after a performance, I am still surrounded by people who have the same needs, in a world that needs the same Savior. My calling is unchanged; my task remains. To lay down my life, being ready to go yet ready to stay, prepared to conquer valiantly yet content to rest joyfully; to consciously place myself in His service to accomplish with equal fervor any task, great or small, that He should assign; in short, to put my life at His disposal -- this is my task today, the day after. And every day after that. May the Lord find us faithful, every day.

Benefit Concerts: Raising Up A Firm Foundation

2011-05-14T15:21:00.000-05:00

HelpTheLees.com

uh.....

2011-04-12T19:50:00.000-05:00

So. I send my sister to Starbucks for the evening and settle in for a good evening of work. And then she texts me this picture of a lovely invitation she received.

Think I'm ever lettin' HER outta the house again?!

Brothers make my world go round

2011-04-07T11:20:00.001-05:00

Note to Self

2011-03-18T12:54:00.000-05:00

If you're going to write a note on someone's Facebook wall just to say "Hi, I'm thinking about you," do it right away. Because if you get distracted and wait an hour, the person might die. And heaven doesn't have smartphones with Facebook apps.

Hope that will not be put to shame.

2011-03-17T00:54:00.000-05:00

Remember the word unto Thy servant upon which Thou hast caused me to hope.

I will find Him when I seek Him.
He will never leave me.
There is nothing anyone can do to harm me outside of His express permission.
He is good.
He seeks my well-being -- He gives what is good, and only what is good.
He is near when I am brokenhearted.
There is always a way out -- a way back to beautiful, unhindered fellowship with Him.
He rescues me from myself; I don't have to dig myself out of my own messes.
Even my utter stupidity can glorify Him.
His grace is sufficient for my weakest days.
His power can make me an instrument of blessing on my worst days.
He will strengthen, perfect, confirm, and establish me.
The vial of His wrath only drops, but His mercy runs.
He is able.
I am His.
Nothing that really matters will ever go wrong.
He gives all I need for life and godliness.
He is more tenacious than I am.
He restores my soul.
He makes all things new.
His love is bigger than my biggest problem.
If I need it, it will be given.
He's never going to give up on me.
He is.
He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
I will not be put to shame for trusting in Him.

How to win every time.

2011-02-22T19:10:00.000-06:00

The sun had long since set, but traffic was still thick as I drove home in the bitter cold. My personal blessing and sanctification device was set to play Psalms on shuffle, but I was honestly paying more attention to my stomach's growlings and my schedule for the next day (=more stress) than I was to the cleansing Word of God.

...until one line cut through:

Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him. (Ps. 2:12)

I never realized it before. But it suddenly hit me - Christianity makes absolutely no sense at all. And it's completely NOT fair.

It's a rule of nature: the more you put into something, the more you get out of it. You get what you pay for. The more you buy, the more you save (in other words, "Pay us a lot more and we'll give you a little more back"). The more lottery tickets you purchase, the greater chance you have of winning -- say, if you get 5,000 tickets, your chance might increase by 0.000000000001%.

Also, we all know that not everyone can win every time. The prize goes to the fastest, the wittiest, the smartest, or the prettiest. It's a rough world out there. But try, try, try your hardest and never give up - and maybe you can be the lucky winner.

But what did that voice just say? BLESSED......are ALL (not just the lucky winner..... I think all means, in fact, all).....who - do what???

Blessed are all who put their trust in Thee.

I don't have to work harder. I don't have to dig myself out of this mess I've gotten myself into before I can face God. I don't have to be worthy from anything I do.

I simply have to quit trusting myself and rest in Him.

It's not fair....I give nothing and I get everything.

And instead of trying, trying, trying and hoping it's good enough? Nope. That will not be necessary.

If I give up, I win.

O the unsearchable riches of God....His ways are past finding out.

Elk: Pasture to Platter

2011-02-21T20:52:00.000-06:00

Gettin' her on the ground:

Gutting, skinning, and quartering:

Processing Party:

Mmmm, mmmm:

See all pictures with captions...

"We are looking at your life."

2011-02-20T19:10:00.000-06:00

"I know they tell you at church to tell other people about these things. And that is OK. I will listen. But my husband and I? We are looking at your life. Because we know that most people who say these things are not genuine. The churches are full of people who say name of Jesus, but they are only using it to get what they want. And so we are looking to see if you are genuine."

If I have ever had motivation to fall on my knees and cry out to God for greater sanctification, this is it.

It's not about how well I understand complex theology or how convincingly I can speak. Knocking on doors and advertising free tickets to heaven does not meet the desperate needs of doomed souls. Rather, it is my life -- no, not my life, but the power of Christ in me; a changed life -- not just a good life that adheres to high moral standards, but one that demonstrates a regenerative, sanctified fruitfulness that no flesh could sustain, day in and day out.

I must speak. I cannot complete my task of being a faithful witness without speaking the Gospel message. But the hardest, most persuasive part of witnessing is not done so much in the talking; it is in how I conduct my business, how I respond to irritations, what I am like when I'm tired, my demeanor in the grocery store when I think nobody's watching. My words will be weighed against the evidence of my life: is it perfumed with the fragrance of Christ?

Lord God, for Your name's sake, continue Your sanctifying work in my life. Let me not blaspheme the name of Jesus by telling a lie about His power in the way I live. Let me not bear Your precious, holy name in vain.

desperate.

2011-02-19T20:19:00.000-06:00

It is a mercy of God that allows me to become disheartened that I may learn to pray as a desperate woman -- to grab hold of Him and not let go, realizing He is my only help -- and see my weakness filled with His strength. Without desperation I would not know His power.

The voice of the Lord is powerful.....the voice of the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon....and in His temple everything says, "Glory!"

The Lord will give strength to His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace.

Assume nothing.

2011-02-19T10:19:00.002-06:00

overwhelmed

2011-02-13T20:56:00.000-06:00

It is a kindness of God that allows me to be overwhelmed with my petty troubles so that I will look to Him and become overwhelmed with His infinite goodness.

How great is our God.....

So if I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
So if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home.

a long obedience

2011-02-09T20:09:00.001-06:00

This.

This is my prayer.

This is what my flesh rebels against....yet this is the only place I will find true rest: in dying daily, as many days as I am given, without expecting some big lucky break, without waiting for the opportunity of a lifetime, without listening for applause, without expectation of reward.

It's a long obedience. God grant me such faithfulness.

Start around 3:45 if you have only 5 minutes and want to skip the introductory remarks.

some days just feel happy. . . .

2011-01-29T14:42:00.000-06:00

"...But even when I don't feel that way, I just think, 'Christ is risen!' And that's enough reason to rejoice!"

-a friend

Einstein's Riddle

2011-01-28T12:28:00.001-06:00

Ready to take dominion of your mind?

Einstein's Riddle:

There is a street with five houses, each painted a different color.
In each house lives a person with a different nationality.
These five homeowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke a different brand of cigar, and keep a different pet.

Your task, should you choose to accept it? Figure out who owns the fish.

Necessary clues:
1.) The British man lives in a red house.
2.) The Swedish man keeps dogs as pets.
3.) The Danish man drinks tea.
4.) The Green house is next to, and on the left of the White house.
5.) The owner of the Green house drinks coffee.
6.) The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7.) The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8.) The man living in the center house drinks milk.
9.) The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10.) The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11.) The man who keeps horses lives next to teh man who smokes Dunhill.
12.) The man who smokes Bleu Master drinks beer.
13.) The German smokes Prince.
14.) The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15.) The Blends smoker lives next to the one who drinks water.

Thanks to Rachie, whose middle name is awesomeness, for helping me keep my mind sharp. =)

Blessing List

2011-01-27T16:26:00.000-06:00

A Blessing List is another perspective on dish washing, bill paying, and potato peeling.

A Blessing List is what you get when you take your To-Do List and visualize each item as an opportunity to serve, and as a chance to bless the Lord by doing His will for your life for that day.

A Blessing List turns chores into a joy. Maybe even the indescribable jumping-up-and-down, can't-contain-himself joy of a small child who brings his mother a special acorn, or a picture he colored, or a stray flower he plucked from the yard. It's giving from the heart, for the sheer happiness of seeing someone else get blessed.

Thanks to Heather -- my jogging pal, neighbor, and friend -- for the inspiration. Heather, you are a blessing to me!

it allures, yet conquers...

2011-01-26T16:22:00.000-06:00

A milestone of 2010 was my introduction to Thomas Watson.

I don't know why I had never heard of him or the Puritan Paperbacks, many of which he authored, before this past year, but I am endeavoring to make up for lost time. I have been delighted, refreshed, highly convicted, intensely motivated, and most of all, edified and brought closer to conformity with Christ as I have read his works. I cannot recommend them highly enough.

Many of Thomas Watson's sermons and writings are published as audio files on SermonAudio. (Obviously, they are read by someone else, since Mr. Watson lived in the 1600's.) One of my favorite discoveries this week was the devotional titled, "Mercy Swims To Us."

"Mercy is an innate propensity of God to do good to distressed sinners. . . . It allures, yet conquers."

"The vile of God's wrath only drops, but His mercy runs. The sun is not so full of light as God is of mercy."

"To set up merit is to destroy mercy. . . . If God would show mercy to such as deserve it, He would show mercy to none."

"In our afflictions, God will mortify some corruption or exercise some grace." [Just think, whenever a trouble pops up, "Hey, my graces are getting exercised!"]

"Whenever God removes the guilt of sin, He breaks the power of sin . . . with pardoning love, God gives saving grace."

Listen to the whole thing - right here. It's only ten minutes, and it's worth it:

Then, if you have an iPhone/Blackberry/Android, do yourself a favor. Download the SermonAudio app (free), download as many sermons by people like Thomas Watson and Paul Washer as your device will hold. And LISTEN to them! They are absolute gems.

music to my ears

2011-01-24T13:55:00.001-06:00

From my students....

"Can I use the metronome?"

"I practiced very slowly - is that OK?"

"I want to practice more; is it OK if I move my [weekly] minimum up to 8 hours on violin and 8 hours on piano?"

(coming in the door for a lesson) "Do we get to do the five-times-in-a-row-perfect game today?!"

(when asked to play something 5 times in a row perfect) "Can I do 6 times, PLEASE?"

(when asked to play a scale of his choice) "Hm, I think I'll just do C-flat major."

Sometimes teaching is frustrating.....I don't know how to approach a problem, I can't communicate a concept, and I feel inadequate. But how blessed I am with the job I have as a music teacher. It is a joy and privilege to train students to be skillful musicians who can serve their families, churches, and communities.

I'm firmly convinced that my students are the best in the world. Just sayin'.

He sees

2011-01-21T14:24:00.000-06:00

God, there are so many hurting people all around me..... so many needs.....so many deep wounds and heartwrenching trials......and I am so powerless to help. I can do nothing but sit and watch. And try to speak frail, limited, puny words of comfort or encouragement. And pray.

O God.....don't you SEE? You could actually DO something! You could fix these problems! Lord, don't you care?

Yes. He sees. He sees it all - every single last hurting person that I could ever pray about....He already knows. And He cares, ever so deeply, about His hurting children.

And as the plowmen does not plow to destroy the earth, nor does the thresher thresh forever, this, too, has an end. The refining is only to prepare the heart's soil that seeds may be planted. Suffering does not kill; it births fruitfulness!

It's one thing to trust God for myself. I have experienced His absolute faithfulness in the past, and know without any doubt that I am His own and He will keep me. I can trust Him fully, and I do.

But when it comes to my dear brothers and sisters in Jesus -- I want to fix their problems. I want to be there to make sure they trust God. And I forget: my God is their God, too. If He is strong enough to keep me, surely He is strong enough to keep them as well. And He will; if I can trust Him for myself, then I can trust Him for others.

For as much as I love them, He loves them even more.

how everything He is

2011-01-20T13:54:00.000-06:00

If I haven't blogged yet this year, it is not that there is nothing about which I could write, but that God is writing it on my heart.

It is not from having nothing to say, but rather from an understanding that what I have to say is nothing.....that, coupled with the fact that my crazy schedule hasn't permitted any spare moments for composing anything fit to be publicly viewed.

My heart's cry is to be emptied that I may be filled. To be weak - or rather, to acknowledge my weakness - that I may be strong through His strength. To throw away my life and find it hidden in Christ. This is what I want with all my heart. But my flesh rebels, and I fail.

But I am learning something.

I understand that my salvation is sovereignly predestined and conclusively secure. But sometimes I forget that He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it. In other words, my sanctification is absolutely secure, too. When I gave my life to Jesus, He did not throw me out to fend for myself. "For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son." (Rom. 8:29)

In short, I am learning how nothing I am, and how everything God is. I know that isn't proper grammar, but the way I see it, the ways of God defy the rules of correct English. My God is just that amazing. How awesome are Your works, O Lord God Almighty....

What Not To Do

2010-12-29T11:00:00.000-06:00

Beware of Llamas

2010-12-27T13:22:00.002-06:00

just sayin'...

the best kind of friendship

2010-12-26T23:50:00.001-06:00

Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

As a Christian, a believer in Jesus, I am no longer my own; I am bought with a price. I belong to Jesus. I exist through Him and for Him. I know this.....but there is another side of not being my own that I sometimes forget.

He is the Head, and I am a part of the Body, the Church, His Bride - I, and all other believers in Jesus. And everything that I do affects not only me and my relationship with Jesus, but every single other person in the Body of Christ. When I fail to walk in the Spirit, I bring shame upon the name of Jesus and on all those who are called by His name. When I maintain sweet fellowship with Jesus, I am not only strengthening my relationship with Him, but I am also edifying the Body.

Maybe it's none of anybody else's business what I do, think, eat, say, watch, wear, choose. Maybe all of that is between the Lord and me. But actions stem from core beliefs, for "out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks"; and when I entertain an unbelieving heart - one that fails to comprehend and act on the truth that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him - I need to be confronted and exhorted by my fellow members.

How grateful I am for faithful friends who are willing to lovingly encourage me in paths of truth and righteousness for His name's sake. I am profoundly grateful for my brothers and sisters in Jesus who love Him best, and who are willing to take the risk of being offensive out of love for Christ's church.

These are people who would have me be conformed to His image rather than have me comfortable. These are fellow heirs of salvation who ask hard questions, who speak the truth in love, who make it a point to know me and to hold me accountable, "that the kingdom might not suffer loss."

This is true friendship - the very best kind; this is the fellowship of the saints; this is the Body of Christ as it was made to function, and it is beautiful.

These are my friends, and this is how I am rich.

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."

Jesus, King of Angels

2010-12-24T22:35:00.001-06:00

I was introduced to Fernando Ortega's music when my dear friend Anna-Ruth began playing with him last year. I find his music refreshing in its simplicity, while beautifully profound. This song of his is one of my very favorites; he sang and played it live at both of his concerts I've attended.

"The universe is vast beyond the stars - but You are mindful when the sparrow falls..."

"With all my heart I love You, Sovereign Lord....tomorrow let me love You even more...."

the verse that is changing my life

2010-12-24T06:00:00.004-06:00

"Could you not watch with Me one hour?"

Beholding Him, I am changed. And may I never be the same again.

Everything.

2010-12-23T09:34:00.000-06:00

Anything God can fix is not worth worrying about.

Anything God can control is worth praying about.

"Lord, send me anywhere"?

2010-12-10T22:04:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, to my dismay, I get what I ask for.

There have been more occasions than I can recount when I sweetly volunteered to do "anything," only to be assigned to that one job I had forgotten about. Maybe something lonely away from everyone else. Or partnering with someone I find difficult to get along with. Or maybe - horror of horrors - mopping.

You see, I grew up in a house that had all carpets, so I never mopped. And then we moved to a house that, after a few years of construction projects, ended up with over 3,000 square feet of floor to be mopped; then, mopping was strenuous enough to be a guys' job, and so I still never mopped. Some people have a fear of the unknown. I think mine might be mopping. Naturally, there have been a few times when that has been the task assigned me when I claimed that I'd love to do anything to help.

I think that when I volunteer to do anything, or to go anywhere, I have preconceived notions about what that might include. I see someone else who was sent to Africa, or asked to organize a work team, or assigned to hold a sleeping baby -- and I think, wow, I would be happy to do any of those things! Then there are other people who might get put on bathroom cleaning, or stocking shelves, or just being a faithful daughter in a happy home. And I think, well, that would be fine, too.

And so, when I say, "Lord, I would do anything," those are the things I'm talking about. Only I usually forget to specify. I am blonde enough to forget that mopping is something, too.

Probably, for anybody else besides me, mopping would not be an issue. That's probably why I get assigned to mop - because I need it. Because I need to die to myself. Because I am sent to be a servant of all. Because I need to learn full submission to my Master.

Because doing what I wanted to do anyway is not submission; it's merely finding a place for my will alongside God's. Oh, it may look like submission, but submission is not an act, but a heart. It's an attitude. It's the incredible vulnerability of throwing out my safety net, burning my bridges, working cheerfully where I am and resting gladly in the knowledge that I am led by One who is smarter, bigger, and stronger than I am. It is trusting God completely and distrusting myself completely.

Submission means that I can't have preconceived notions about what God's will should and shouldn't be. It means I claim no right to choose what I will do and what my life will look like.

This sounds harsh. Cruel. Overbearing. Maybe I should stand up and assert myself.

But you know what? I already tried that, and I ended up bound by a cruel enemy who promises freedom and delivers tyranny. And then the Suffering Servant came, gave His life for me, and chose me. And loved me with an everlasting love. He bought me. He owns me. He has the rights, folks.

And so if I thought He was going to send me to the slums of India and instead I got sent home to talk with my sister, praise the Lord. If I had intended to work in a soup kitchen and instead ended up in my kitchen making dinner for my brother who never asks for anything but still needs to eat, that's awesome. And if I felt I needed to take a nap but instead was picked to fight the bitter cold to run an errand, Lord willing I will be cheerfully embracing His will so I can speak an encouraging word to the checkout girl.

This is good stuff - being willing to go anywhere, to do anything. But sometimes I am so eager to do and go, to be sent, that I forget.....there's another option, too.

I love this quote from a book by Chesterton:

"I would follow you anywhere," replied March, "but I would halt, too, if that is better."

I have been sent. That's how I got where I am right now.

I am loved.

2010-12-09T23:23:00.000-06:00

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
~I John 4:10

Is this not utterly beautiful?

5 sisters

2010-12-08T20:48:00.001-06:00

Crisis.

2010-12-07T19:55:00.001-06:00

Crisis delivers a rousing declaration of the state of the soul that hours of soul-searching introspection and reflective self-evaluation fail to discover.

Just as the eruption of Mount Vesuvius memorialized ordinary life in Pompeii, in the same manner, my first thought when my world is turned upside down, or my initial reaction to disturbing news, or my off-the-cuff response to an annoying disturbance -- this is merely a window into who I was the instant before the crisis hit.

May I faithfully steep myself in the riches of God's all-sufficient Word and maintain sweet fellowship with Him so that I am READY to embrace crisis.

"The rains came down and the floods came up,
The rains came down and the floods came up,
The rains came down and the floods came up,
And the house on the rock STOOD FIRM!"

"Who trusts in God's unchanging love
Builds on the Rock that none can move."

Now.

2010-12-06T06:11:00.001-06:00

Time is short.

Forget formalities. Cut to the chase.

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth."
-Prov. 27:1

something beautiful

2010-11-28T17:10:00.001-06:00

"For thus says the High and Lofty One

Who inhabits eternity,

Whose name is Holy:

'I dwell in the high and holy place,

With him who has a contrite

and humble spirit,

To revive the spirit of the humble,

And to revive the heart

of the contrite ones.'"

Another Conversation

2010-11-27T22:08:00.000-06:00

Me: It's just too much to ask. My life is so blessed already -- it's just too much.

God: "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for me?"

Me: "I will not ask, nor will I test the Lord!"

God: "Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."

Me: OK. I'm askin'.

(references)

"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His."
~I Chron. 16:9a

Thoughts....

2010-11-21T05:41:00.001-06:00

How much do I miss because my tongue jumps ahead of my ears?

How much trouble would I avoid by keeping my mouth shut?

Sigh.

um, yeah....

2010-11-19T11:22:00.001-06:00

I first watched this awhile back and was, you know, like....convicted?

Thank You, Jesus....

2010-11-18T15:16:00.001-06:00

...for loving me even when I'm stupid enough to forget that Your grace will be overwhelmingly, entirely sufficient...

...for providentially dissolving all the things I was dreading and didn't have time to deal with...

....for startling me-of-little-faith with a completely unexpected, perfectly beautiful day.

Hunting Camp

2010-11-17T11:12:00.000-06:00

More . . .

Malleability

2010-11-16T12:54:00.001-06:00

mal·le·a·ble [mal-ee-uh-buhl] –adjective
1.) able to be worked, hammered, or shaped under pressure or blows without breaking;
2.) capable of being changed, molded, trained

----

As a music teacher, I've found that the greatest hindrance to a student's progress is his character. A student may be rolling in golden puddles of talent, but if he cannot be pushed hard -- if he does not respond well when I stretch him by demanding his absolute best, holding him to the highest possible standard -- then his ability is of no value. Talent cannot be cultivated in an easy chair.

I am blessed with malleable students, but I am not always so myself. I switched piano teachers at age 9, and, contriving slacker that I was, managed to get by for quite a while by simply sight reading at my lessons.

The day came, though, when I was assigned a Mozart concerto movement that I decided I loved to practice. I came back with it memorized the following week, and my teacher decided that from then on, she would hear only memorized music, forcing me to actually practice (cough). As unhappy as I was at the time with these new developments, I can honestly say that I would not be a pianist now if my teacher had not been wise enough and kind enough to stretch me like that.

Will it not be the same with the Lord, only much more so? I often fear being malleable. I don't want to be able to stretch because I am afraid He will stretch me. I don't want to open myself to the pain, the blows, the demands. It would be so much easier to just be "normal" or "average"; to relax the standard; to not care too much about walking in His ways; to think more about my own pleasure than His best.

But why should I fear His best? He is the perfect teacher who will never mess up and stretch a student too far, and He is a Father who loves to give good gifts to His children.

God, make me a malleable student. Keep the pressure on; make me what You would have me be.

      Does the plowman keep plowing all day to sow?
      Does he keep turning his soil and breaking the clods?
       ²⁵ When he has leveled its surface,
      Does he not sow the black cummin
      And scatter the cummin,
      Plant the wheat in rows,
      The barley in the appointed place,
      And the spelt in its place?
       ²⁶ For He instructs him in right judgment,
      His God teaches him.
       ²⁷ For the black cummin is not threshed with a threshing sledge,
      Nor is a cartwheel rolled over the cummin;
      But the black cummin is beaten out with a stick,
      And the cummin with a rod.
       ²⁸ Bread flour must be ground;
      Therefore he does not thresh it forever,
      Break it with his cartwheel,
      Or crush it with his horsemen.
       ²⁹ This also comes from the LORD of hosts,
      Who is wonderful in counsel and excellent in guidance.
~Isaiah 28

the heart of the matter

2010-11-14T16:20:00.000-06:00

Where are my thoughts?
How much do I pray?
About what do I pray?
What do I desire?
With whom do I spend time?
How do they influence me, and how do I influence them?
With whom do I choose not to spend time?
What is my first thought upon awakening?
What gets me up each morning?
What drives me all day?
Why do I say the things I do?
Why do I listen to the things I do?
What makes me laugh?
Of what do I approve and disapprove?
What do I read?
What do I view?
On what do I spend my money?
For what do I save my money?
What are my favorite activities?
Which possessions do I most prize?

My responses to these questions answer this monstrously pivotal question: Where is my heart?

"...for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

above the cacophony

2010-11-03T12:48:00.001-05:00

What speaks louder -- the silent, Holy-Spirit-inspired words of God penned centuries ago and printed in a book that must be opened and read and searched out and pondered, or the swirling vivacity of a world I can touch and feel and a culture that reaches out in a relevant and engaging manner to give me what it convinces me that I want?

A heart tuned carefully to heavenly frequencies and reset continually in God's ways through the faith that comes from hearing His Word will receive only His voice above the cacophony.

But know that the Lord has set apart for Himself him who is godly.
For the Lord knows the way of the righteous; but the way of the wicked shall perish.

A Chance To Die

2010-11-01T12:44:00.000-05:00

Today is a chance to die.

It's a chance to die a hero's death - laying down my life for a friend, taking a bullet for a comrade. It doesn't feel glorious like I imagined; it's more like ripping flesh, dripping blood, searing agony.

It requires giving up everything I hold, all for the ironic glory of the cross -- the torturous, horrific, lfie-sucking, barbaric, cruel, cross of death. It means a slow, drawn-out process of life being poured out, stomped out, squeezed till it breaks -- cell by cell, drop by drop. There is no quick and easy option.

I don't like to die -- I fight fiercely, and I do not fall gracefully. Yet the love of Christ compels me, and love is stronger than death. Love is the morphine that makes me impervious to death's sting.

This chance to die? I'll take it.

...cause if you throw out your life and count it as lost
cast your bread on the waters, take up your cross
if you crucify your selfish ambition
you can take up instead a greater mission

and if you humble yourself to the lowest place
you will find there a valley of amazing grace
and when you lose you'll find yourself far ahead
and when you die you'll lead a fuller life instead

cause there is more than one way to die
and there's more than one way to live.

Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

Take me to the cross . . .

Quitting -- and the Everlasting Arms

2010-10-29T21:17:00.000-05:00

I am going to be very honest and forthright: There are days when I feel like giving up. Not giving up in a good way (surrendering my desires to the Lord's will), but more like quitting.

There are days when putting one foot in front of the other really gets old . . . days when I would readily resign my position as light-of-the-world-in-a-city-set-on-a-hill . . . days when I would gladly settle for being average and normal instead of being a world-changer.

On these days, it is a very good thing that God is the one holding onto me with a love that will not let me go. I, like a flitting bird, would impulsively fly off and sek a more comfortable resting spot -- only to realize too late that there is no other Rock, no other rest for my soul; and that any discomfort is due to my sin and not the Savior's inadequacy.

But I am His, and He keeps me. If I should take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there His hand shall lead me, and His right hand uphold me.

And if I should foolishly try to jump out of His hands -- there, underneath, are the everlasting arms.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Mrs. & Mrs. Joel Jorden

2010-10-28T07:39:00.000-05:00

Debra was already one of my dearest friends - a real soulmate.

Joel was just always a great guy, really.

But now - the two of them together? Wow. These two are great; they're a dynamic couple deeply in love with each other and devoutly committed to the Lord and to the vows they have taken.

I'm convinced that the only thing they can't do is last more than about 8 seconds in a staredown with each other (and that took about 15 tries, after I promised Joel my entire life savings if they lasted 30 seconds).

May the Lord abundantly bless this precious union.

Appearances can be deceiving.

2010-10-26T17:31:00.000-05:00

Jacob saw Joseph's coat, bloody and torn.
Jonah saw Ninevah, vile and corrupt.
Nebuchadnezzar saw himself, mighty and majestic.
The disciples saw Jesus, dead and buried.

Daniel saw the lions, powerless, nonthreatening, providentially ordained.
Stephen saw Jesus standing at the right hand of God.
Ananias saw Saul, chosen, redeemed, beloved.
Paul saw his murderous kinsmen, zealous, ignorant, needy.

~

Perspective.
Attitude.
Worldview.

What a difference these make.

My friends, may we look for the evidence not seen.

P.S.

2010-10-26T11:55:00.005-05:00

Do good people ever go to bed without washing all their dishes?
Just wondering.